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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27929560">I Just Didn’t Want To Go</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/OPHlDlAN/pseuds/OPHlDlAN'>OPHlDlAN</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Heavy Angst, Other, Violence, dream shows up for two seconds, i wrote this at 6 am and cried real tears over it, no beta reader we die like men, post-tommy’s exile, theory based on canon events</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:15:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,359</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27929560</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/OPHlDlAN/pseuds/OPHlDlAN</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Tommy’s had enough of the loneliness.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>No Romantic Relationship(s), Toby Smith | Tubbo &amp; TommyInnit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>153</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Just Didn’t Want To Go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this fic literally made me cry while writing i am so sorry. based loosely on the events of tommy’s ‘i’m actually exiled’ stream.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Most people knew that when Tommy put his mind to something, he’d figure it out. No matter what stood in his way.<br/>Maybe Dream just underestimated him. Maybe he knew what he was going to do and wanted to play with him like a cat with a mouse. Whatever the case, Tommy had managed to trek across the Nether and through the Main Portal unnoticed. It was late, and all that could be heard was the gentle clink of his iron armor as he ran, and the rustling of the old, tattered coat he’d stolen from his brother. He ignored the bloodstains on it in favor of clinging to the last comfort he’d had from Wilbur.<br/>Tommy made his way through the land he’d been exiled from, taking in the scenery around him as he went. It hadn’t changed much in the time he’d been gone, and he could see his small home in the distance, still the sickening shade of pinkish orange that granite came in. <br/>He ignored it, though, in favor of sprinting down the path towards L’Manburg. The old wood creaked and groaned as he ran, but he was confident no one was around to see or hear him. Not that it’d matter in the end anyways.<br/>The lanterns always looked so beautiful at night, he was glad he got to see them one last time. The lights of L’Manburg glowed soft orange against the black sky, washing over him in a gentle warmth that spread through his chest. He spotted Phil— his dad’s house, and Ranboo’s, and even his little bottom floor home he didn’t even get to inhabit, really. Tears welled up in the corners of his eyes, but he shook them away. There was no time. If only he could say goodbye to them all.<br/>He clattered up the stairs, past cobble and wood houses, until he found his destination. He opened the front door gently, making sure it didn’t make a sound as he went. And there he was.<br/>Tubbo was sleeping fitfully, tossing in his bed. He looked tired, even as he slept. Tommy could remember vividly the bright smile of his closest friend before all of this. Before everything went to pure shit.<br/>He shook his head, ridding himself of the memory. He couldn’t dawdle. Dream would be here soon.<br/>He crept across the room as quick as he could, before covering Tubbo’s mouth and shaking him awake. The other boy’s bright blue eyes snapped open, alarmed, as he thrashed for a moment before focusing on who’d woken him. His expression changed rapidly to one of terror.<br/>“Hello, big man,” Tommy whispered sadly, smiling at his friend.<br/>Tubbo ripped his hand from his mouth, hissing, “Tommy! What the fuck are you doing here?”<br/>“Just had something I needed to do, no worries,” The blond boy pried his hand free from Tubbo’s, moving to the satchel he had wrapped around his body. <br/>After rummaging for a moment, Tommy found what he was looking for. He pulled the disc Bad had given him, and set it on the small table next to the other boy’s bed, along with two crudely written books. Tubbo watched him in silence, eyes calculating. <br/>“Sorry to wake you like this, there wasn’t really any other way to go about it,” Tommy began, cracking another small smile, “I wanted you to have those.”<br/>“You came all this way and risked so much to drop off some stupid books? And a bloody disc? That’s not worth it Tommy,” Tubbo snapped, moving to get out of bed.<br/>“That’s not quite it, big man,” Tommy sighed, sitting down and fully splaying himself across the floor of Tubbo’s home. “I wanted to see you, y’know, one last time.”<br/>The brunette seemed to be hit with realization all at once, his body crumpling back down onto the bed in an instant.<br/>“I forgive you, man, I know why you did what you did. I fucked up— I fucked up big time. I put everyone in danger by doing what I did and didn’t even think,” Tommy continued, focusing his eyes on the ceiling, “You’re a good president. You’re doing what you should and putting your country first.”<br/>“Tommy, I-“<br/>“Y’know, the reason I didn’t want you to be president was selfish. I <i>am</i> selfish. I knew we’d get pulled apart if things went down how they did,” Tommy sat up, finally looking at his friend, “I only think for myself.”<br/>“That’s not— That’s not true.”<br/>“Isn’t it?” Tommy smiled now, the tears welling up in his eyes fully now. Tubbo’s mirrored his own. They both knew now there wasn’t time to get Tommy out, Dream would be here any minute.<br/>“I did it because I didn’t want this to happen, Tommy,” Tubbo spoke softly, “I didn’t want you to die in a pointless war with him.”<br/>“I know, Tubbo,” The blond looked down, “I’m just selfish, and I can’t live the way I am. I am so bloody sick of logs and iron.”<br/>The two laughed wetly, wiping tears from their faces. Tubbo moved from the side of his bed sitting in front of Tommy for a moment. He hesitated for a beat, two, then surged forward, pulling the other boy into a tight, shuddering hug. The two boys clung together, both thinking back on happier times, lighter hugs.<br/>Tommy broke the hug far too quick for the both of them to stand, before moving to his feet. Tubbo climbed up as well, putting his hands on Tommy’s shoulders. <br/>“If you come back as a ghost, I’m going to kick your ass,” He shook his head, trying to laugh off the gravity that had settled on his shoulders.<br/>“No promises,” Tommy chuckled back.<br/>He could see the other boy’s face change as he heard the door open behind him softly. The green bastard himself had finally arrived. Tommy put a hand on the back of his friend— his brother’s head, a silent goodbye passing between the two.<br/>In the end, he barely felt it. He knew Dream’s sword had gone through his back, he could see it protruding from his chest, but he didn’t feel much of anything. And then it was gone, and he was falling, falling, falling.<br/>Tubbo’s face was above him, tears were hitting his face with silent screams of a grieving child, but Tommy couldn’t hear. He couldn’t feel. It was strange.<br/>He raised a pitiful hand up to pat Tubbo’s cheek. He thought he said, “Goodbye, big man,” but he could be wrong.</p>
<p>All of L’Manburg was woken by the scream. And all of L’Manburg knew TommyInnit was gone.</p>
<p>—</p>
<p>Tommy came to in a forest. He should’ve felt sticks and grass poking his back, but he couldn’t feel much of anything. He sat up slowly, taking in his surroundings. There were birch and oak trees all around him, the leaves green and vibrant. He was in his old red and white shirt, clean and crisp aside from the wide bloodstain on his chest. <br/>He remembered his death, it wasn’t like he forgot that. But he didn’t remember much else. He remembered Tubbo, his best friend, his brother. He forgave him for whatever he’d done. <br/>He remembered his other brothers. He remembered their dad. He remembered L’Manburg, building his country. And something told him that was all he needed.<br/>He slowly rose to his feet, before beginning his trek through the forest. He didn’t know where he was going, but also he did? He just knew he had to keep moving. Someone was waiting for him.<br/>Soon, he broke through to a clearing. The first thing he noticed was the sea. Blue and crystalline, stretching further than he could see. The second thing was his brother. Wilbur stood before him with a sad smile on his face, his arms outstretched.<br/>Before he knew it, Tommy was running. He was running as fast as he could, until he crashed into his brother, who hugged him tighter than he had in years. <br/>He felt Wilbur’s breath on his ear as he whispered, “You did amazing. I am so proud of you.”</p>
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